


The Contemplation of the Heart

by Rochelle_Templer



Category: Bones (TV)
Genre: Episode Related, Episode Tag, Friendship, Gen, Introspection, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2019-03-24 06:48:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13805724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rochelle_Templer/pseuds/Rochelle_Templer
Summary: A look into Sweets' perspective during and after the season finale "The Beginning of the End".





	1. Heartbroken

**Author's Note:**

> This is an older fic that came to me right after seeing that season finale for the first time. Of course, there are plenty of spoilers for said episode.
> 
> Also, I'll be using my OCs for Sweets' adoptive parents in this one as well. I know that their existence has been refuted by canon, but...well...I still can't let go of my personal headcanons. XD

Part One—Heartbroken

It was late at night in the Hoover building of the FBI, and most everyone had gone home. However, within the silence of the hallways, there was one office that was lit up: the office of Doctor Lance Sweets.

Sweets was lying on the couch in his office, staring at the ceiling. He wasn’t wrestling a complicated profiling assignment or working out a therapeutic approach to help one of his patients. He even wasn’t trying to unravel the Gordian knot that was the relationship between Special Agent Seeley Booth and Doctor Temperance Brennan.

Instead he was lying here trying to wrap his mind around the bombshell the love of his life, Daisy, had just thrown at him.

He tried to be happy for her, he really did. It was a great opportunity for her; it was the kind of thing that she had been working toward for years now.  It was an once-in-a-lifetime event and she would be crazy to not want to go.

But the implications of it all were devastating to Sweets.

They were engaged, and while he did not see himself as any sort of sappy romantic, he had wanted a wedding ceremony with all his friends there. With Booth as his best man. Even though his parents wouldn’t be there, he wanted the type of wedding that celebrated the love he felt with Daisy.

But Daisy just wanted to elope and be done with it.

Sweets had worked hard to become a psychologist. He had endured being the youngest student in high school growing up. His parents had sacrificed a great deal to make sure that he could attend college and then graduate school. But more than all that, ever since he had come to the decision to make helping people his life’s work, Sweets had ached to find a way to do it. Now, at the young age of twenty-five, he was working at the FBI with his own practice: helping agents to cope with their jobs and assisting them in catching those who would harm others.

But Daisy wanted him to throw it all away and become a pearl diver.

Sweets wasn’t sure what disturbed him more: the fact that Daisy was leaving and there was nothing he could do about it. Or the fact that she was so eager and almost cavalier about the idea of him putting aside everything that meant anything to him just to follow her halfway across the world.

He glanced over at the coffee table next to him. Daisy had left a stack of maps and literature for him to look at about her destination. He sat up and stared at them.

 _‘I’m sure there was nothing mean-spirited in her attitude,’_ he thought. _‘Daisy is so hyper-emotional…sometimes she just says things or does things without taking the time to fully consider their effect on the people around her….She tries, but she’s still working on it….Besides this is an opportunity to walk in the footsteps of her hero, Doctor Brennan…this project…this is exactly the type of thing she would do in a heartbeat if she didn’t feel obligated to Booth…It probably means the world to Daisy…’_

Even with these thoughts running through his head, Sweets’ eyes grew dark and he brushed off everything that was sitting on that coffee table with an angry swipe of his arm. He then laid back down on the couch and tried to calm himself.

_‘So…I’m not Mr. Adventure huh? Is that what Daisy is looking for? Adventure? Well, we’ll just see about that…’_


	2. Heartfelt

Part Two—Heartfelt

A couple days later, Sweets sat in the Royal Diner feeling even more confused and dejected than he had that night in his office. Plus, now he was a little sore…

He had agreed to help Hodgins steal back his father-in-law’s car as a favor.  He even went out and bought what he thought was a ‘wicked cool’ burglar’s outfit for the event and was a little disappointed at Hodgins’ choice of comparatively simpler attire.

The entomologist had succeeded in his goal, and Sweets ended up falling off and wall and scurrying away from enraged bikers. He ended up taking a long, soul-searching walk back to his apartment that night.

Still he didn’t regret helping Hodgins out.  Sweets had felt oddly invigorated during the whole experience, even during his time spent running away from the roar of motorbike engines.  Plus, Hodgins had been willing to lend a sympathetic ear. While it was clear that he did not approve of Daisy, he was considerate of Sweets’ feelings.

Sitting in the diner, Sweets smiled in spite of himself. Looking back at Hodgins’ initial reaction to him and the tension they had around the Gormogon case, Sweets found it hard to believe that he could have ever seen him as a friend. And yet, here it was. Over the past couple of months they had grown a lot friendlier and Sweets finally felt like he fit in with the Jeffersonian group in its entirety.

Now he was getting ready to meet with the person who opened the door to him in the first place.

Booth had called him earlier that morning and asked to meet him for lunch. Sweets agreed, sensing that there was more to this meeting than eating and casual conversation. The agent probably needed to go over recent events in his life, and to be honest, Sweets was hoping to get some advice from him as well.

The slight chime of the bell near the door alerted the psychologist to Booth’s presence. He watched as Booth plopped down into the chair across from him. Sweets then smirked as Booth looked down at the table in front of him: waiting for him there was a plate with a single slice of pie. Booth looked up and grimaced.

“Pie? Really, Sweets? Couldn’t you have at least waited until I ordered lunch?”

“I thought that I’d get the inevitable out of the way,” Sweets chuckled. Booth grinned back at him, amused by the joke, and picked up a menu.

“Well if you’re in the mood for things like that then things must be working out with Daisy,” he said as he scanned the menu. Sweets face immediately fell.

“No…we…I don’t think we are going to stay together,” he said softly. “It…it just isn’t going to work.” Booth put down his menu.

“I’m sorry Sweets…I really am.” Sweets nodded and waited silently while Booth placed his order before speaking again.

“Agent Booth…”

“Sweets we’ve known each other for close to three years. I think we can move past the whole ‘Agent’ bit,” he said. Sweets couldn’t help but smile again at that.

“Booth…you told me at one point that I should break up with Daisy and that I’d be better off. Why? Was it because she was leaving me behind for Indonesia or…something else?”

Booth sighed and held up his hand, indicating that he needed a moment. They waited until the waitress served him his food. He took a long swallow of water before answering him.

“Look, I know you cared about her. People like you…they put every bit of themselves into their relationships.” Sweets nodded again and noted that he wasn’t the only one here who was that way…

“And while I didn’t really get Daisy, I’m sure she loved you, but…I just don’t think it was meant to be. You’re different from her and while I suppose you’d say that you complement each other like you said about me and Bones, in the long run…she is not ready for the type of relationship that you are ready for.”

“Booth, did you take the Army up on their offer?” The agent took another bite of food and nodded.

“And Doctor Brennan, she is also going to go to Indonesia?”

“Right again,” Booth grimaced.

“You know how I think your partnership is moving, despite recent setbacks. In fact I think it’s still moving in that direction. So I guess I’m wondering why you see my situation as any different from the one you are having with Doctor Brennan.”

Booth leaned toward him; his eyes did not seem irritated with the question, just wistful.

“Do you know what Bones did at one point? She actually met with me to ask me what I thought about her going to Indonesia and to see if I had any objections to her going. Now, I know that she really wants to go, and was, in fact, fully intending to go because she knew that I wouldn’t stop her.”

“Then why…?” Sweets started.

“Because she wanted me to know that she did not take me or our partnership lightly. Bones knows how much the life I’ve made for myself means to me. And she knows how seriously I take serving my country. She wanted me to know that that she understands that.” Booth took another drink and sighed.

“Daisy was never in that place with you…You told Bones that I had a ‘warrior’s heart’ or something like that…”

“I think you are a protector,” Sweets answered. “A protector of the people and things that you care about. It’s not what you do; it’s who you are.”

“Well then, if that’s what I am, then what you are is a counselor,” Booth responded. “Someone who wants…no…who needs to help people find their way and who helps them figure out what they need to know to get through life. It’s who _you_ are. And you could not give that up any more than I could give up who I am.” Booth leaned close to Sweets, looking him straight in the eye.

“Daisy didn’t see that about you. She couldn’t see that this is not just a job for you, and that’s why it was not going to work out between the two of you.” Booth then leaned back and ate some more of his lunch.

Sweets stared at his plate, stunned. He knew Booth was right; as much as Daisy was fascinated by his career, she never could understand the deep seeded need he had for his work. He reached over to take a drink of his coffee, but hesitated, lost in his own thoughts. He had longed for the type of love that he had seen in his parents. It hurt to think that he had been so off the mark.

“Don’t worry,” Booth said. “It will hurt for a while, but you’ll get through it, I’m sure. And eventually…you’ll find what you’re looking for. It’s just going to take time is all.” Sweets nodded again, but then he frowned.

 _‘Wait…I’ve been selfish…Booth is the one who’s having to leave everyone and everything that he cares about behind in a few days…I should be helping him,’_ he thought.  He straightened up in his seat and looked over at the agent.

“Booth, I know that it was a hard decision for you to go back to the Army, even for a short while, and leave your family, your friends, and your job at the FBI,” Sweets said. “But…I think you made the right choice, and I think anyone who really knows you would agree and be proud of your decision.”

“Yeah…but.” Booth sighed and looked out the window.

“I just hate leaving Parker, you know, and missing out on his life.”

“Parker understands,” Sweets added. “He’s a good kid, and…I’m sure he’s proud of you too.” Booth looked over at him and grinned.

“Thanks, Sweets…I mean that.” Booth then watched as Sweets went back to staring at his food rather than eating it, his shoulders slumped.

“You know, Angela and Hodgins are thinking of taking some time off too, to go travel,” Sweets said. “It’ll be strange with everyone gone.” Booth frowned at his tone, and reached over to nudge Sweets’ arm, causing him to look back up at him.

“Listen…don’t take this in some weird psycho-analytical way or anything, but…I would like you to do me a favor…no, actually two favors.”

“Yes?” Sweets asked.

“I…Could you keep an eye on Parker? Maybe just check in with him once in a while?” Booth asked. “Rebecca’s doing a great job with him and all, and I know he gets why I’m leaving, but...Um…just in case, he needs to talk or something…”

“No problem, Booth,” Sweets grinned. He knew the significance of this request and was honored that Booth had asked. “I’ll be sure to drop by to see how he’s doing, I promise.”

“Thanks and um…the other thing…” Sweets leaned forward and waited patiently; he could sense that this second request was making Booth uncomfortable, so he waited while he found the words.

“Uh…I was thinking…Bones, I’m sure she’ll drop me a note once in a while to tell me about some great inter-species-thing that she’s discovered…But….Hodgins and Angela, they’ll be off doing…well, I don’t want to know what they’ll be doing…Cam, she’s never been one for writing letters…I’m sure Parker will send me something regularly, but…”

“I’d be happy to write you,” Sweets said, anticipating where this was going, and wanting to spare Booth from having to ask directly. “I’ve been known to be quite the letter writer, and I could keep you up to date on things around here…and if you want to talk…about anything…feel free to write back.”

“Right…good. That’s settled then,” Booth said, clearing his throat, ready to move on. The two of them finished their meal with the conversation moving on to more casual topics. Soon they both finished and Booth pushed away from the table. He began to act like he was looking for his wallet, but Sweets held up his hand and laughed.

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll get this,” he smiled. “At least my finances will have a chance to recover since I’ll be able to cut down on my eating expenses.”

“Smartass,” Booth smirked at him. “Come on, I’ll give you a ride back to the office.”

* * *

 

Once they were there, Booth walked Sweets back to his office. They went inside, but Booth stayed close to the door.

“Look, I need to do some last minute things with Hacker before I clear out of here. Then I’m going to spend some time with Bones and Parker before I go, so I don’t know if I’ll see you again before I leave. So, I’ll just say goodbye to you now.”

“Ok,” Sweets nodded and held out his hand. “Goodbye Booth. Take care and I’ll see you again in a year.” Booth took his hand and shook it. He then grabbed Sweets for a quick “manly” hug, patting his back a couple times. Just as quickly, he let him go.

“Bye Sweets…and thanks…for everything.” The psychologist grinned and waved as Booth turned to leave.  Just as he was walking out, Booth turned back toward him.

“Hey, you know what you should do?” he said. “You should start another book. I know you scrapped the one you were writing about me and Bones, but I really think you should try something else.” Sweets laughed, surprised by the idea.

“I’ll think about it,” he said.

“You do that. See you later.”

Booth then left, shutting the door behind him. Sweets collapsed into his chair that he always sat in while seeing patients. He had been warmed by the show of friendship between himself and the agent, but Booth’s words still troubled him a bit.

_‘Everything he said about me and Daisy…it all fits…’_

_‘So why I was I too blind to see it?’_


	3. Heartened

Part Three-Heartened 

It had been a long drive, but Sweets was finally pulled his car over to park having reached his destination. Along the way, he had stopped to pick up some flowers.

After parking he got out of the car, picked up the flowers and began to walk. It was a clear, sunny day and the place he was in was empty and quiet. Sweets was grateful for that too; he wanted to be alone for what he had planned.

Today, he decided that he would visit his parents.

Normally Sweets visited their grave only on two important days every year: on his parents’ wedding anniversary and on his birthday. He visited on their anniversary to celebrate and commemorate the two people he believed to be among the most generous and loving people he would ever meet. He visited on his birthday out of love and gratitude, knowing that he owed them every year that he was still alive.

But today he wanted to be near them again for a different reason: the family that he had found at the Jeffersonian had fallen apart and left. Only Cam was left, and while he was comforted by the idea that the two of them could lean on each other, he felt alone.

To make matters worse, the woman that he had planned on spending the rest of his life with was not coming back to him. Sweets had told Daisy that he wasn’t going to wait for her and told her that she shouldn’t wait for him either. The decision to let her go that way had been a very difficult one, but Sweets had come to see the wisdom in Booth’s words, and the knowledge of his own soul. It had been the right decision.

After almost two weeks Daisy sent his mother’s engagement ring back to him with a letter saying that she couldn’t keep it “in good conscience”. Even though it put a note of finality on the end of their relationship, he was grateful that she had done that. The ring meant a great deal to Sweets, and if she wasn’t going to be his wife, he was glad that he had it just in case he ever worked up the nerve to ask another woman to spend her life with him. Right now, the ring was sitting on his bedside table next to a picture of his parents.

The result of all this was that now, Sweets felt mostly alone, thus why he came here today. Even in a somber place like this, Sweets swore that he could still feel the presence of his parents when sitting by their grave. Their presence and their love. It was a constant in his world and right now he needed a constant.

Sweets found his parents’ shared headstone and placed the flowers at the base of it. The bouquet was always the same unique combination: a daisy for his mother, a forget-me-not for his father and a pink rose for each of them. He then sat down next to the headstone and traced his fingers along the words that were carved into the marble.

_David Stephan Sweets_

_Carolyn Michelle Sweets_

_Husband and wife/ Loving parents._

_‘Loving parents…that doesn’t even begin to describe them,’_ Sweets thought sadly.  He then sat back and drew his knees to his chest. He continued to stare at the headstone and waited quietly for their love and guidance to return to him.

_‘Mom, Dad…everything’s changing. Brennan…she’s going off to be part of an important dig…Booth…he’s going into a war zone to train people…Angela, Hodgins…not only are they married now, they’re running off together to wait for Booth and Brennan to return…And Daisy…Daisy left me…’_

Sweets wasn’t entirely sure why, but he could feel his eyes begin to well up with tears.

_‘So now I’m alone again…I know it’s only supposed to be for a year…but I miss them all already…And I just keep worrying that even when it’s over, nothing will be the same again…’_

At that point, Sweets could no longer contain himself and he began to weep. He cried because a woman who he admired and respected was running away and burying herself in her work rather than trying to be with the one she was meant to be with. He cried because a man who he considered a friend and a brother was putting his life on the line yet again because his country demanded it. He cried because two other people that he considered friends had finally found their happiness and were running off to explore it, leaving him even more alone.

But most of all he cried because he thought that he had finally found the kind of love he had watched between his parents growing up, but it turned out to be a fraud. He fancied himself as a highly trained psychologist, but he apparently couldn’t see the fault lines beginning to crack in his relationship with his fiancé.

_‘Some psychologist I am…some lover for that matter…’_

_‘Sport…your only flaw was that you loved her too much.’_

Sweets abruptly stopped crying. He had heard his father’s voice inside his head, and realized that he had been in a very similar situation to this one before.

* * *

 

When Sweets was eighteen and working on his second doctorate, he had fallen in love with one of his fellow graduate students: Laurel.

Laurel was smart, worldly, and had a great sense of humor; she was also six years older than him. But that didn’t matter to Sweets, and the two of them quickly went from coffee shop dates to being passionately in love. He loved her deeply and wondered if this was what it was like for his parents when they met. Even though he knew he would have to wait a couple years or so, Sweets could see himself asking her to marry him.

But then one day she saw the scars on his back by accident.  Sweets tried his best to explain what had happened without saying too much, but he was nervous and uncomfortable the whole time. As it turned out, she was too. She left him the next day.

Sweets tried to get through the pain alone, but ended up going home to his parents for a couple of weeks when things got too overwhelming.

Toward the end of his stay, he and his father had yet another talk about what happened.

_‘I just don’t understand, Dad. I loved her so much…and I thought she loved me. But maybe I’m too scared to love…Maybe I’m not cut out for that kind of relationship.’_

_‘No Lance…none of that is true, and don’t you even think that for a minute,’ David said. ‘You have a gentle soul and a great capacity to love. That relationship was just not meant to be is all.’_

_‘But if that’s the case…then I should have known that it wasn’t going to work,’ Lance retorted. ‘I mean I have a doctorate in clinical psychology, and I’ll have another one in behavioral analysis in a couple years. I should have some insight into people, shouldn’t I?’_

_Lance had begun to cry again for what seemed like the umpteenth time in those two weeks at home._

_‘But I…I really thought she was the one…I thought that, maybe, just for once, I had been lucky enough to find what I needed right away…But instead, I failed. Again.’_

_Sport, this is not an exam that you’re trying to ace or a dissertation that you’re trying to defend. This is life. And life rarely makes sense and can blindside the best of us. And as far as what you might have done wrong…your only flaw was that you loved her too much.’_

_‘Too much? How could I have loved her too much?’ Lance asked in disbelief. ‘I see the love between you and Mom…There’s no end to it. So how could you say that I loved her too much?’_

_David put his arm around Lance and pulled him close._

_‘Lance,’ he said gently. ‘You have a generous heart, and you always see the best in the people that you care about. It’s a beautiful thing, but sometimes it blinds you to the flaws that exist in all of us. Now it may not be apparent to you right away because you’re still in pain, but as you heal you will see where things were going wrong.’_

_Lance nodded and David squeezed his shoulder._

_‘But no matter what you discover, don’t be so hard on yourself just because this relationship didn’t last,’ his father said. ‘Remember, you only truly failed if you didn’t try or if you didn’t grow.’_

* * *

 

Sweets sat upright on the ground and started to consider his father’s advice to him from back then.

_‘Dad’s right…Daisy’s not a scorecard, measuring my worth as a person; she was someone I loved…Someone a part of me will always love…’_

The psychologist surprised himself with that thought. In his past relationships there had only been sorrow, pain and emptiness after he was dumped. And those were exactly the feelings that he was grappling with ever since Daisy had left. However, now he was beginning to realize that he did not just feel those dark emotions: a part of him still loved her and wanted the best for her.

 _‘But did I love her too much?’_ he wondered.

In a flash of inspiration, Sweets realized that he didn’t exactly love her too much: it was more accurate to say that he had been in love with the idea of loving her.

Daisy had many traits that Sweets had relished: intelligence, an accepting attitude, cheerfulness, a positive outlook on life.  When he was with her, he began to believe that a woman could accept him and love him for who he really was.

_‘But was that the whole truth?’_

While he was very happy with Daisy, he had to admit that there had been some issues.

She had had very little patience with the darker, more melancholic side of his personality. He tried to explain that it was a life-long struggle for him to remain upbeat, but she could not understand that, even after she learned the truth about his horrific early childhood, before the Sweets came into his life.  She found actions like his visiting his parents’ grave on his birthday morbid even though he didn’t see it that way at all and often avoided him during one of his “down” moods.

When it came to family, there were differences there too. Sweets wanted children as soon as possible after getting married. He looked forward to building a family and being a father. But Daisy wanted to put off having children for a long time, if not indefinitely. Sweets had even proposed adoption so as to lessen the hardship on her end and to give a child the same gift that had been giving to him of a loving home, but she still refused.

While thinking about all this, Booth’s words from their talk at the diner came back to him.

_‘She is not ready for the type of relationship that you are ready for.’_

_‘Could I have really been satisfied and fulfilled in my marriage with these kinds of things_ _in my way?’_ Sweets wondered. He shook his head as the answer swiftly came to him.

_‘Booth was right…Daisy wasn’t so much wrong as she just wasn’t ready….But…Did I really try? Did I give up too easily?’_

Sweets reflected over the fact that he had gone into his relationship with Daisy knowing that she was rather socially awkward. He didn’t judge her though; a side effect of his profession as well as an admission that he had a hard time fitting in as well.  Over time Daisy had shown some progress in relating to others and her positive outlook rubbed off on Sweets somewhat.

But even that was the source of some land mines in their relationship.

The psychologist had tried to give her advice on how to interact with the staff at the Jeffersonian, but that eventually backfired when she began to believe that he didn’t think she could do things on her own.

He had done other things that tested their love and strained their relationship to the breaking point.

_‘That time when she was trying on a wedding dress with that guy…that time I let that girl make out with me…I let my feelings get the better of me, when I knew better…’_

If he was honest with himself, Sweets knew that the root of those mistakes was his low self-esteem. He simply could not believe that Daisy could love and accept him the way she did, so he was willing to buy the idea that she would cheat on him. He also couldn’t believe that other women could find him desirable and attractive, so he let himself get carried away when a random woman threw herself at him.

Now that he could think straight, Sweets could see that while he tried hard consciously, subconsciously his heart was trying to tell him something: that something being that while he did love her, he was not necessarily _in_ love with her anymore.

Sweets moved to lean against his parents’ headstone: the revelations he just had were overwhelming and he started to cry again.

He was now beginning to see what Booth and maybe all his other friends had seen: that she was just not right for him.

And his tears were not borne out of pain so much as some sorrow over what he had lost.

He knew that he was far from “over” Daisy, that there would be other days when he would mourn this lost relationship and that he would not be ready for another serious relationship for quite a while. But he was comforted by the idea that while he was sorry that it was all over, he did not regret loving Daisy and opening himself up to her.

He now knew that he had grown: his time with her had been fun, but he also learned a lot about himself and how to really build a long term love. Sweets now knew that a woman could love him for who he was.

_‘Because who you are is a wonderful person, sport.’_

Sweets smiled and brushed the tears off his face.

_‘Thank you Dad, Mom…I love you.’_

Sweets stood up and brushed the dirt and grass off his jeans and stared at the grave for one last long minute. He wasn’t sure if he believed in God, but he was sure that his parents were not only in a good place, they were watching over him as well.

The psychologist walked back to his car, climbed in and sped off down the road. While driving, he decided to take his time while heading back to D.C. As he watched the road stretch out in front of him, Sweets noted that his life was much like this road now and it was up to him to decide where he wanted to go. But ultimately, he knew that the place he was aiming for was home.

The home where his heart belonged.


End file.
